Subject: Definitions (Page 5)

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Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Definitions

Advertising: That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of.

Communication Definitions

Eccentric: A man too rich to be called crazy.

Definitions People

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Age Definitions

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

Insider trading: Stealing too fast.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Conflict Crime Definitions

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Definitions

Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.

Beliefs Definitions Facts Science/Weather

Math Anxiety: An intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 mph.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Deterrence: The art of producing, in the mind of the enemy, the fear to attack.

Definitions

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions