Subject: Definitions (Page 55)

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Awe: Wow of silence.

Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Luck: The thing that draws us for jury duty, but never for the lottery.

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definition of a classic: a book everyone is assumed to have read and often thinks they have.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

Sewing Circle: A group of women who needle each other.

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Recount: In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

B Flat: An apiary.

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.