Subject: Definitions (Page 55)

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London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Vision: Looking farther than you can see.

Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Old Age: When you don’t recognize either the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

Age Definitions

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money