Subject: Definitions (Page 64)

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Shakespeare: A man whose writings are so excellent it’s believed someone else must have written them.

Definitions

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

Communication Definitions Language

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

Communication Definitions Language

Ambition: Goaled rush.

Definitions

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of conversation when words are superfluous.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Intuition: That strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.

Characteristics Definitions People Women

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

Definitions

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

Math Anxiety: An intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 mph.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

Life: A breathing spell.

Definitions Life

Petting: The study of anatomy in braille.

Definitions Sex