Subject: Definitions (Page 69)

View All Definitions

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Definitions Work

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

Activities Definitions Games

Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.

Death Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.

Definitions Government Taxes

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

Appendix: A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.

Definitions

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family