Subject: Definitions (Page 69)

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Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Hospital Bed: A parked taxi with the meter running.

Definitions

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Hindsight: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

Definitions

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

Automatic: If something is automatic, that simple means that you can’t repair it yourself.

Definitions Murphy’s Laws Problems

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Groan: An expression of appreciation for the horrible.

Communication Definitions Speech

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Children Definitions Family

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.

Definitions Family

Propaganda: Patriotism as practiced by our enemies.

Communication Definitions