Subject: Definitions (Page 71)

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Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices.

Definitions

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Definitions

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

I guess the definition of a lunatic is a man surrounded by them.

(1885 – 1972) expatriate American poet & critic
Definitions Intelligence People

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

Executive Suite: A sugar daddy.

Definitions

Bore: A person who takes his time taking your time.

Definitions

Bill Collector: A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.

Definitions

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Definitions Money

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Learned Fool: One who has read everything, and simply remembered it.

Definitions Intelligence

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Definitions