Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Emotions
(Page 3)
Diane: And everyone knows that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.
Sam: Well, whatever you say. I really don’t care.
Ted Danson
(1947) is an American actor, author & producer
Love
TV/Movie Quotes
As Sam Malone in “Cheers”
Indifference
Not with anybody else.
Muhammad Ali
(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Emotions
Love
People
Self
When asked if he were ever in love
Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her body.
Sir John Vanbrugh
(1664 – 1726) English architect & dramatist
Emotions
Love
Sex
Women
As my mom has said, when one person is unhappy, it usually means two people are unhappy but that one has not come to terms with it yet.
Mindy Kaling
(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer
Emotions
Happiness
Nobody ever had to steal Georgie's affections – he gave them away at the drop of a skirt.
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions
Sex
Affections
George Jessel
The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a (newspaper) column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.
Deitz's Law of Ego
Anger
Characteristics
Language
Murphy’s Laws
Reading/Writing
Misspelling
Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
Russell Baker
(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Characteristics
Emotions
Company
Misery
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Emotions
Entertainment
God
Laughter
Audiences
Comedians
As my mother always says, “If you have to swear to get laughs, then you’re obviously a c**t.”
Ed Byrne
(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Communication
Emotions
Laughter
Speech
Swearing
In real love you want the other person's good; in romantic love, you want the other person.
Margaret Caroline Anderson
(1886 – 1973) American writer
Emotions
Love
Sex
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
George Jean Nathan
(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Emotions
Entertainment
Laughter
Comedians
Ecstasy: Happiness with its clothes off.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Happiness
Sex
Ecstasy
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death
Emotions
Happiness
Laughter
Life
Funny
Sadness
If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
Jimmy Buffett
(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Emotions
Things
(also Firth’s Law of Tailoring)
Telephone
Money is not the most important thing in the world, love is… fortunately, I love money.
Jackie Mason
(1934 – ) comedian
Emotions
Love
Money
We had a lot in common; I loved him and he loved him.
Shelley Winters
(1920 – 2006) American actress
Characteristics
Emotions
Love
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions
Entertainment
Film
People
Work
Sadness
Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.
John Robert Fowles
(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist
Conflict
Emotions
Laughter
Men
People
War
Women
When angry count four; when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication
Emotions
Speech
Angry
Count
Swear
Wayne Carter: Spring is the time for love.
Flower Belle Lee: What’s the matter with the rest of the year?
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Love
TV/Movie Quotes
As Flower Belle Lee in “My Little Chickadee”
Spring
It’s weird to hear a girl laugh when I’m not making love to her.
Garry Shandling
(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Laughter
People
Self
Sex
Page 3 of 23
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