Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 15)
Left eyebrow raised, right eyebrow raised.
Roger Moore
(1927 – ) English actor
Acting
Entertainment
Summarizing his acting range
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood – Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.
Goldie Hawn
(1945 – ) American actress, film director & producer
Entertainment
Hollywood
Places
Australia's gift to insomniacs; it's nothing but the blonde singing the bland.
Minnie Riperton
(1947 – 1979) American singer
Entertainment
Insults
Music
Olivia Newton-John
Singing
Art is science made clear.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Art
Science/Weather
I've been doing some extremely abstract paintings… no paint, no canvas; I just think about it.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Art
Entertainment
Thinking
Abstract paintings
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication
Entertainment
Family
Mothers
Babies
Singing
I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music…
at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified.
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment
70's music
Karaoke
I tell ya, comedy is in my blood; I wish it was in my act.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Entertainment
Comedy
I’m disappointed with every movie about sharks that closes with “The End” instead of “Fin.”
Nat Baimel
Animals
Entertainment
Film
French
Sharks
Every time an Oscar is given out, an agent gets his wings.
Kathy Bates
(1948 – ) American actress & director
Entertainment
Hollywood
Places
Agents
Oscars
Opera has made me consider suicide.
Fred Willard
(1939 – American actor, comedian & writer
Entertainment
Opera
I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment
Film
People
Self
Oscars
Stalker
It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.
Walter Lippmann
(1889 – 1974) American intellectual, writer, reporter & political commentator
Entertainment
Intelligence
Music
Wisdom
Audiences
Shoot a few scenes out of focus; I want to win the foreign film award.
Billy Wilder
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Entertainment
Film
To a cameraman on one of his pictures
Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Television Programming
People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be… it
is
what it used to be; that is what's wrong with it.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment
Music
Reviews/Criticism
Opera
Actress Claudette Colbert: I knew these lines backwards last night.Coward: And that’s just the way you’re saying them this morning.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Acting
Communication
Entertainment
Speech
This is the method taught in the Elizabeth Hurley school of acting: If you happen to be a vapid idiot, always play one in the movies and audiences will love you for your self-mocking sense of fun.
Andrew O'Hehir
American film critic
Acting
Reviews/Criticism
Elizabeth Hurley
I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment
Situations
Comedy is tragedy plus time!
Alan Alda
(1936 – ) American actor, director & screenwriter
Entertainment
TV/Movie Quotes
As Lester in “Crimes and Misdemeanors”
Comedy
Tragedy
I really detest movies like
Indecent Proposal
and
Pretty Woman
because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal; and really that’s such a small part of it.
Laura Kightlinger
(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Entertainment
Film
Sex
Women
Indecent Proposal
Pretty Woman
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