Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 8)
He had delusions of adequacy.
Walter Kerr
(1913 – 1996) writer & Broadway theater critic
Acting
Reviews/Criticism
Of an unknown actor
He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.
Johnny Carson
(1925 – 2005) television host
Beliefs
Entertainment
Insults
Opinion
People
Of Chevy Chase
You know what I think about people who don't like rape jokes… f**k em!
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment
Jokes
Rape
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it.
Thomas Beecham
(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment
Music
Longfellow is to poetry what the barrel-organ is to music.
Van Wyck Brooks
(1886 – 1963) literary critic, biographer & historian
Insults
Music
Reading/Writing
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Poetry
It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.
Russell Baker
(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Education
Entertainment
Money
American Life
When you are about 35 years old, something terrible always happens to music.
Stephen Race
(1921 – 2009) British composer, pianist and radio & television presenter
Age
Entertainment
Music
One can’t judge Wagner’s opera
Lohengrin
after a first hearing, and I certainly don’t intend hearing it a second time.
Gioachino Rossini
(1792 – 1868) Italian composer
Entertainment
Reviews/Criticism
Lohengrin
Opera
The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished basement.
Steve Connelly
comedian
Entertainment
Music
Places
Basement
Beethoven
TV: a clever contraction, derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville; we call it a medium, because nothing's well done.
Goodman Ace
(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist
Entertainment
Television
I played an unsympathetic part… myself.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Acting
Entertainment
On his role in “Rhythm on the River”
After conducting a concert in a small town, I once received the following note from a farmer who had attended the performance: “Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that the man who played the long thing you pull in and out only did so during the brief periods you were looking at him.
Arturo Toscanini
(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor
Entertainment
Music
I am a typed director; if I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.
Alfred Hitchcock
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment
Film
Audiences
Directors
We used to have actresses trying to become stars; now we have stars trying to become actresses.
Laurence Olivier
(1907 – 1989) English actor, director & producer
Acting
Entertainment
Actresses
Celebrity
I liked your opera… I think I will set it to music.
Ludwig van Beethoven
(1770 – 1827) German composer & pianist
Entertainment
Insults
Music
To a fellow composer
The prize on that show: another contestant.
Norm MacDonald
(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment
Television
Contestants
Prizes
The Dating Game
I think TV is very educational; every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication
Education
Entertainment
Reading/Writing
Television
Acting is a form of confusion.
Tallulah Bankhead
(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Acting
Entertainment
Occupations
Work
You might be a redneck if… your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment
Music
People
Rednecks
Speakers
Never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married; a lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend.
Greg Behrendt
(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Entertainment
Television
Things
In honor of the late George Carlin, here are seven more words you can't say on TV: "And the Emmy goes to Bob Saget."
Jeff Ross
(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Communication
Entertainment
Language
Television
Bob Saget
Page 8 of 37
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