Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Animals

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink

You can't fall off the floor.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

The last mosquito that bit me had to book in to the Betty Ford clinic.

(1946 – ) English actress, model & author
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle.  

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Alcohol Conflict Death Food/Drink Killing

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around, and I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Alcohol Dating Food/Drink Relationships

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

Alcohol Food/Drink

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

Never buy a drink for the road, because the road is already laid out.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

If Dracula bit Dean [Martin] in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded; trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Alcohol Food/Drink

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Individuals Women

I never drink water; that’s the stuff that rusts pipes.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie;’ he said ‘God beat me to it.’

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Body Food/Drink

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew; I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon… and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol

Honey, I’d suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes