Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 14)

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off; I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

You can't drown yourself in drink… I've tried, you float.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

(450 BC – 388 BC) Greek Athenian comic playwright

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian

You might be a redneck if… your your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Rebecca: You guys, I have my new wedding dress. And now all I need is something old, something borrowed, and something blue.

Carla: How ‘bout Norm’s liver?

(1948 – ) American actress