Subject: Government (Page 14)

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Lawyers Politicians Situations

History buffs probably noted the reunion at a Washington party a few weeks ago of three ex-presidents: Carter, Ford, and Nixon – See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Government Insults Politicians

No One Likes Paying Taxes – What Makes You So Special?

Government Taxes

If you want to get along, go along.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Government

When I entered politics, I took the only downward turn you could take from journalism.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Politicians

The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.

Government Murphy’s Laws

In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Death Taxes

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government People Situations Things

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist
Lawyers Occupations

1. Get elected
2. Get re-elected
3. Don’t get mad, get even.

Anger Elections/Voting Emotions Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians

I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Dear Jack, don't buy a single vote more than necessary; I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.

(1888 – 1969) American businessman & father of President John Kennedy
Government

In Washington, you can’t take friendship personally.

Government Politics Relationships

Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program.

(1912 – 2006) American economist
Government

It’s useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for office.

(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author
Alcohol Characteristics Elections/Voting

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Definitions Government Money Taxes

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Government

I rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University.

(1925 – 2008) American conservative author, commentator & television host
Government

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it’s too much trouble putting make-up on two faces.

Australian comedian & actress
Characteristics Government People Politicians Women

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Money Taxes