Subject: Government (Page 14)

Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss; whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

Military

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

Space expands to house the people to perform the work that Congress creates.

Congress Government Murphy’s Laws

We all know this administration loves deleting history faster than Anthony Weiner when he hears footsteps.

(1985 – ) American comedian & actor
Government Politics

All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.

typographer
Government

I learned more about the economy from one South Dakota dust storm that I did in all my years of college.

(1911 – 1978) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Money Science/Weather

Never trust a private with a loaded weapon, or an officer with a map and compass.

Military Murphy’s Laws

The politician is an acrobat; he keeps his balance by doing the opposite of what he says.

(1862 – 1923) French writer & politician
Communication Government Politicians

From politics, it was an easy step to silence.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Government Politics

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Government Money

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Entertainment Government Situations

If you want the government off your back, get your hands out of its pockets.

(1936 – ) U.S. Senator (Colorado)
Government

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

With a black president, I can relax…I can dance in public… I can buy a whole watermelon now.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Characteristics Government President Situations

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Beliefs Government Politics

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail and if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Government Laughter

[John] Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous; and then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Government Law

Anything you can do can get you killed – including doing nothing.

Military Murphy’s Laws

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president… and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government President

The wind doesn't bother me… I'm in the U.S. Senate.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Communication Government Politicians Speech