Subject: Government (Page 27)

The mistakes made by Congress wouldn't be so bad if the next Congress didn't keep trying to correct them.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
Congress Government Mistakes Problems

If you have the facts on your side, hammer the facts. If you have the law on your side, hammer the law. If you have neither the facts nor the law, hammer the table.

Facts Government Law Murphy’s Laws

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Places

Convicted criminal: As God is my judge – I am innocent.

Birkett: He isn’t; I am, and you’re not!

(1883 – 1962) British barrister, judge, politician & preacher
Government Law

Social legislation cannot repeal physical laws.

Government Murphy’s Laws

The Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government

No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.

Military Murphy’s Laws

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.

(1917 – 2004) American industrialist (Douglas Aircraft Company) & sportsman
Government

I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Entertainment Government

Statistics have proven that the surest way to get anything out of the public mind and never hear of it again is to have a Senate Committee appointed to look into it.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

(1946 – ) American actor, voice actor & comedian
Government Military

The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.

(1961 – ) 44th U.S. president
Government Health Misspokements

Logic and taxation are not always the best of friends.

(1862 – 1946) American jurist & Supreme Court justice
Government Taxes

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

A politician is a man who approaches every question with an open mouth.

(1770 – 1827) British statesman, politician & prime minister
Communication Government Politicians Speech

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Law Lawyers

What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist
Animals Dogs Insults Lawyers

Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first.

American comedian
Government People President

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Intelligence Money Taxes

We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Conflict Government People