Subject: Health (Page 13)

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

I'm taking Lamaze classes; I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

I have been laid up with intentional flu.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Misspokements

I told my doctor I think my wife has V.D.; he gave himself a shot of penicillin.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Marriage Wives

”I think therefore I am.” is the statement of an intellectual who underrates toothaches.

(1929 – ) Czech writer
Health

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Beliefs Communication God Health Speech

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health Life

I told him he’d have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Health Misspokements

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Family Health

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health Self

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.

comedian
Health Wordplay

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

They said he had neurosis of the liver.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.

Definitions Health

What do we want? — A cure for dyslexia.
When do we want it? — Own.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Health

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health