Subject: Health (Page 15)

We drink to one another’s health, and spoil our own.

(1859 – 1927) English writer
Food/Drink Health

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Health Murphy’s Laws People

As I understand President Bush's Medicare plan, it provides for unlimited coverage for anyone over 72 whose parents can pass the physical.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Age Government Health Old

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Health Old Places

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg… but leukemia is worse still.

English former football player & manager
Health Misspokements Sports

There are only two things a child will share willingly – communicable diseases and his mother’s age.

(1903 – 1998) American pediatrician & author
Age Children Family Health Mothers

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Age Health Old Young

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

I’m so frightened of disease that it’s to the point I won’t have sex with someone… unless they say… you know… “Okay.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Health Sex

Do you think that suppository is gonna be safe from me there, Edith?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health

I’ve just learned about his illness; let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Health Insults

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome, it started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Health

The longer I practice medicine the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Clothing Doctors Health

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

(1951 – ) English television writer
Health

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Alcohol Characteristics Doctors Health

Neurotic means he is not as sensible as I am, and psychotic means he’s even worse than my brother-in-law.

(1893 – 1990) American psychiatrist
Health

A man walked into the doctor’s; he said, ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places.' … The doctor said, ‘well don’t go there any more.'

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Doctors Health