Subject: Health (Page 3)

”I think therefore I am.” is the statement of an intellectual who underrates toothaches.

(1929 – ) Czech writer
Health

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Doctors Health

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

You might be a redneck if… you have used a bar stool as a walker.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Health People

Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.

football coach
Food/Drink Football Health Sports

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS; I didn’t know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Health

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Health Situations

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health Self

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Doctors Fools Intelligence

A neurosis is a secret you don’t know you’re keeping.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Health

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon
Death Doctors Health

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Doctors Health

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

I recently became a Christian Scientist; it was the only health plan I could afford.

American actress, comedian, writer & musician
Health

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Health Life

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Situations