Subject: Intelligence (Page 6)

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Fools Intelligence

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Honesty Insults Intelligence Sports

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence People School

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Driving Fools Intelligence Things

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

(1814 – 1882) American clergyman
Family Fathers Intelligence

Experience teaches you that the man who looks you straight in the eye, particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host
Intelligence Wisdom

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Intelligence People Stupidity

You might be a redneck if… your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence People Rednecks Stupidity

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults Intelligence

Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U.S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government Intelligence

A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Communication Intelligence People Self Speech

He is suffering from halitosis of the intellect; that's presuming he has intellect.

(1874 – 1952) administrator & politician
Insults Intelligence

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Intelligence Wisdom

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends Intelligence Old People

… the less a man knows, the more sure it is that he knows everything.

(1888 – 1957) English writer
Beliefs Intelligence People

People say it’s easy to make fun of retarded people, but it’s not… you really have to explain it to them.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Ideas Insults Intelligence

Nature gave man two ends – one to sit on and one to think with; ever since then man’s success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most.

(1867 – 1937) American anti-militarist writer & political activist
Intelligence People

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Situations

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

I think – therefore I'm single.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Intelligence Marriage