Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 5)

Too bad Lassie didn’t know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said “Lassie, go skate for help,” she could do it.

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Give down the country.

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Don’t go off with your pistol half cocked.

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I don’t advocate that children start smoking… but for those kids who already do smoke, boy, it’s good, isn’t it?

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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

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Peter Marshall: Rich, what land animal has the largest eyes?

Rich Little: [doing his impersonation of her] Why, that would be Carol Channing!

(1938 – ) Canadian-American impressionist & voice actor
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Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes?

Jim: Well, what did you decide?

(1938 – ) American actor
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He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch.

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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

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Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!

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My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
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What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: “Why is it so dark in here?”

(1948 – ) English novelist
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It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.

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If i was feelin any better i'd give five dollars for a good headache.

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Grandma, Show Us Your Tattoos

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Whenever I need to ‘get away,’ I just get away in my mind; I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect; the only bad thing there are the flies… they’re terrible!

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I’m touching cotton.

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Like a martin to his gourd

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As scarce as hens teeth.

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Don’t let the tail wag the dog.

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Full as a tick

Miscellaneous