Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 9)

You’re acting crazier than a sprayed roach!

Miscellaneous

The eleventh commandment; “Thou shalt not be found out,” is the only one that is virtually impossible to keep these days.

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One-third sap and two-thirds Eleanor.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous

Plum tuckered

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You can’t blame a worm for not wanting to go fishing.

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You’d walk her down the front row of a revival meeting.

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Tighter than a new boot

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If you can paint a really good picture of a cow, you don’t have to write the word “cow” under it.

(1896 – 1985) U.S. senator (North Carolina)
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He’s like a bad penny.

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Slow as an iron toad

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Crooked as a snake's back.

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Never laugh at a man, until you have walked a mile in his shoes; then you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.

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A little pain never hurt anyone.

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When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

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People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.

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Chester drawers

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Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands… all the rest of you… if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
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Don’t Roll Those Bloodshot Eyes At Me

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He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

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She’s lost as last years Easter egg.

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This likker is just right; if it’d been any worse, I couldn’t have drunk it; if it’d been any better, you wouldn’t have give it to me.

Miscellaneous