Subject: Money

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

If men knew how to do it, they wouldn’t have to pay for it.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

When a person with experience meets a person with money, the person with experience will get the money and the person with the money will get some experience.

Donald Trump is not just a rich man, he’s what a hobo imagines a rich man to be.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

Saving is a very fine thing; especially when your parents have it for you.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.

(1956 – ) American comedian

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

All warranty and guarantee clauses are rendered void on payment of the invoice.

The only thing I like about rich people is their money.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich.

(1763 – 1848) German-American, first multi-millionaire in the U.S.

Good art is in the wallet of the beholder.

(1958 – ) Australian author

The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it.

(1862 – 1937) novelist & short story writer

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian

The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code… they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

There is only one word for aid that is genuinely without strings, and that word is blackmail.

(1902 – 1977) Scottish journalist & author

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor