Subject: People (Page 10)

At least Charles Manson has the decency to look crazy from the moment you meet him.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
People

Dad, the odds of me knowing the score to the Mariners game is about the same as you knowing the score to Pacific Overtures.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Self TV/Movie Quotes

There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape Nuts on principle.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy… I'm dating a pregnant woman.


Dating People Relationships

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Fathers Fools Intelligence Mothers People Self

White folks love everything about black culture, except the blacks.

American stand-up comedian
People

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Food/Drink Self

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Crime People

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person – so I can get a better girlfriend.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People

I’m trying to drop an asshole a day from my life and doing the math I’ll be done in the year 3011.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People

Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.

American free-lance writer
People Situations

The Irish… don’t care for clean government; they want Irish government.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Government People Places

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Parents Self Understanding

You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.

English standup comedian
Entertainment People Television

There were three things that Chico was always on – a phone, a horse, or a broad.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Murphy’s Laws People

Mankind is divisible into two great classes: hosts and guests.

Murphy’s Laws People

Friends are like fiddle-strings and they must not be screwed too tightly.

Friends People Proverbs

Women’s styles may change, but their designs remain the same.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Clothing People Women

They finally found one.

British ski jumper
People Self