Subject: People (Page 44)

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn’t have to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children Family Men People

I called Dial-a-Prayer and they hung up on me.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
People Self

He's a fine friend; he stabs you in the front.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Friends People

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Men Past Women

I’m English, but I want to let you know that even though I’m English, I’m not here to solve a murder mystery.

comedian
England People Places

If there is anything disagreeable going on, men are sure to get out of it.

Men Murphy’s Laws People Problems

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
People

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Individuals Killing People

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

(1888 – 1982) American writer
Dating Marriage Men People Relationships Women

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down, and a woman is designed to say, ‘you took your time’ when he comes back dripping wet.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Men People Women

For weeks I’ve been telling him not to buy anything for my birthday, and he still forgot to bring me something.

People Self

He was a great friend of mine… well, as much as you could be a friend of his, unless you were a fourteen-year-old nymphet.

(1924 – 1984) American author
People

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 a.m.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Food/Drink People

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Government Law Lawyers People

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Clothing People Women

I have everything now I had twenty years ago – except now it’s lower.

(1911 – 1970) American burlesque entertainer, actress, author & playwright
Age Appearance Body Old Self

Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

People

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

You might be a redneck if… three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Autos Men Things