Subject: People (Page 84)

The bigger the man, the less likely he is to object to caricature.

Murphy’s Laws People

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

(1924 – ) Canadian writer
Communication People Self

My coach said I ran like a girl, I said if he could run a little faster he could too.

1972 – ) American soccer player
Sports Women

Don't worry… nobody gives a hoot anyway.

Murphy’s Laws People

Women love scallywags, but some marry them and then try to make them wear a blazer.

(1938 – ) English fashion & portrait photographer
Men People

You might be a redneck if… your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost… they are added to the ages of other women.


(1499 – 1566) French noblewoman & prominent courtier
Age Old People Women

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Accidents New York City People Places Problems

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian
Beliefs Characteristics People Religion

If you're a guy, you're wearing a fanny pack, the only thing inside there's, like, a butt plug and Streisand tickets.

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
People Things

Window Dresser: A girl who doesn’t pull down the shades.

Definitions People

The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.

People

Hedda Hopper: How do you know so much about men?

West: Baby, I went to night school.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Education Men People School

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

(1936 – 1989) American social & political activist
Conflict Eating Killing People War

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Conflict Killing Men People Women

A dog is wiser than a woman; it doesn’t bark at its master.

People Proverbs Women

At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.

(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author
Characteristics Emotions Killing Laughter Men People Women

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do; and for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.’

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor
Entertainment Music People

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Friends People