Subject: People » Self (Page 4)

My handwriting looks as if a swarm of ants, escaping from an ink bottle, had walked over a sheet of paper without wiping their legs.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Communication People Reading/Writing Self

I just moved into a new house – so I had to go door to door to notify my neighbors that I am a registered sex offender… I’m not really, but it keeps those f**king kids out of my yard!

comedian
People Self

I don’t identify as transgender… I identify as tired; I’m just tired.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
People Self Sex

I'm bald, blind and pale… I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
People Self

When I was a Republican, Saddam Hussein was our ally, George Bush owned a mediocre baseball team, Enron was a respected energy company and Michael Jackson was still black.

(1950 – ) Greek American author, columnist & website co-founder
Past People Self Time

It’s amazing the fans want to see me play; it’s kind of scary; I guess that’s what’s wrong with our society.

professional baseball player
People Self

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

(1921 –2003) American editorial & war cartoonist
People Self Situations

Sometimes people come up to me and they'll be like, 'In Italy, it's pronounced 'Bir-Bee-Lya’ … and I'm like, 'In America, you're annoying.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Language People Self

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

At all those banquets, stars get up and give credit to their coaches and parents; I give credit to no one; I made myself what I am today.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports Success

I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I have ever met.

(1837 – 1899) American evangelist & publisher
Men People Self

People like to hear me say 'shit' in my gorgeous voice.

(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer
Acting Entertainment People Self

I don’t like meals for one; it’s not that they make me feel lonely… it’s that they’re not big enough.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Food/Drink Self

I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body.

(1952 – ) comedian
Body People Self Women

Sophia Loren plays peasants; I play ladies.

(1927 – ) Italian actress & photojournalist
Acting People Self

Our ego is our silent partner – too often with a controlling interest.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
Characteristics People Self

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Death People Self

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

I have everything now I had twenty years ago – except now it’s lower.

(1911 – 1970) American burlesque entertainer, actress, author & playwright
Age Appearance Body Old Self