Subject: People » Women (Page 3)

I like my coffee like I like my women… in a plastic cup.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

The only man who can fool all the women all the time is a fashion designer.

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.

(1934 – ) Italian actress

When I meet a beautiful girl, the first thing I say is 'will you marry me? … the second thing I say is, 'how do you do?”

(1894 – 1967) English heir, New York socialite (married 13 times)

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s; she changes it more often.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands… but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight; when a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

(1920 – 1996) American psychologist & writer & advocate of psychedelic drugs

A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

It is said that behind every great man lies a great woman… this is because women lie.

(1967 – ) English comedian

All women dress like their mothers, that is their tragedy; no man ever does, that is his.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

She plucked from my lapel the invisible strand of lint (the universal act of women to proclaim ownership).

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Why women don’t blink during foreplay… not enough time.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I hate women because they always know where things are.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

Women won't even brag about [giving birth]… we men, when we fix a doorknob, drinks are on the house.

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist

Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty, and I’ll show you a man.

(1942 – ) American author and teacher

In the duel of sex, woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

When man and woman die, as poets sung, his heart's the last part moves, her last, the tongue.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.