Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Places
(Page 28)
Look at a sweater made in Ireland… it’s like a turtleneck made out o Brillo pads. – On Irish people not wanting comfort
John Mulaney
(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People
Places
On Irish people not wanting comfort
Beverly Hills is so exclusive… their fire department won’t make house calls.
Mort Sahl
(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Hollywood
Places
Beverly Hills
Exclusive
The splendor of an editor's speech and the splendor of his newspaper are inversely related to the distance between the city in which he makes his speech and the city in which he publishes his paper.
Bagdikian's Law of Editor's Speeches
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
Places
Reading/Writing
Speech
Distance
Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy.
Edward Abbey
(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Places
Mexico
Scotland: A land of meanness, sophistry and lust.
George (Lord) Byron
(1788 – 1824) English poet
Places
Scotland
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia?
Reverend Sydney Smith
(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Beer
England
Food/Drink
Places
You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Places
Rednecks
Directions
House
Paved road
Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
Edward R. Murrow
(1908 – 1965) American broadcast journalist & newscaster
Communication
Intelligence
Speech
Wisdom
World
Voice
Women have got to make the world safe for men since men have made it so darned unsafe for women.
Nancy Astor
(1879 – 1964) British politician
Men
Places
Women
World
Safety
The best research [for playing a drunk] is being a British actor for 20 years.
Michael Caine
(1933 – ) English actor
Acting
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Places
Britain
We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.
Marge Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Julie Kavner)
People
Places
France
Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.
Ron White
(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places
Death penalty
Texas
I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.
George S. Patton
(1885 – 1945) U.S. Army general
Conflict
Places
War
France
The House of Lords is like a glass of champagne that has stood for five days.
Clement Attlee
(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
England
Government
Places
House of Lords
Toronto is a kind of New York operated by the Swiss.
Peter Ustinov
(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Places
Toronto
I think, in 10 years, hell's gonna be the only place left where you can still smoke.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Activities
Future
Places
Time
Hell
Smoking
An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.
A.J. Liebling
(1904 – 1963) American journalist
America
England
Food/Drink
Places
The best that can be said for Norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience
Bill Bryson
American author
Places
Television
Norway
Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
America
Places
Parting words to world leaders
Pollution
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places
Ceilings
House
Paintings
Upstairs
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