Subject: Places (Page 43)

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
America People Places

According to legend, Telford is so dull that the bypass was built before the town.

Places

If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like.

American author
Entertainment Music Places

Holland lies so low they're only saved by being dammed.

(1799 – 1845) English writer
Communication Language Places

In America, your work determines your marks; in Soviet Russia, Marx determines your work!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Places

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio… I don’t understand a word they’re saying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

I often confuse Americans and Canadians… by using long words.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
America Canada People Places

I did not fully understand the dread term 'terminal illness' until I saw Heathrow Airport for myself.

(1935 – 1994) English writer
Health Places

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
America Government People Places Politicians

My uncle's actually from Brooklyn, New York; … instead of saying, 'What time is it?,' he'll say, 'Get outta here – I'm drunk.'

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Places Relationships

I get to go to lots of overseas places… like Canada.

(1981 – ) American singer
Intelligence Misspokements Places

I've got to tell you, that's a gorgeous four-and-a-half hour drive in from the airport.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Places

You know how you're going to die, you just don't know when.

comedian
Activities Death Places

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

(1563 – 1608) Italian Catholic priest
Beliefs Cooking England Food/Drink Places Religion

I lived in a house that ran on static electricity… if you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head; if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Science/Weather

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Money Places World

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Communication Intelligence Life Places Science/Weather