Subject: Problems (Page 23)

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Marriage Mistakes

Swallow a toad in the morning and you will encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Problems

It's hard to describe what it's like to see a stock car flying through the air knowing it's going to land on top of you.

American auto racer
Accidents Auto racing Problems Sports

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Dear Randolph, utterly unspoilt by failure.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Failure Insults

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends Old People Problems Success

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it is awfully hard to get it back in.

(1926 – 1993) American presidential staffer & Watergate co-conspirator
Problems Situations

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

Accidents Definitions Problems

Aren’t I lucky, to have survived so much bad luck.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Life Problems

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Fools Intelligence Mistakes People Problems

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

Life is just one damned thing after another.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Life Problems

If you think you're wrong, you're wrong

Corollary: If you think you're wrong, you're right.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Problems

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

Accidents Children

If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Reality continues to ruin my life.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Failure Life Problems

A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws

1. If it is green or it wiggles – it is Biology.
2. If it stinks – it is Chemistry.
3. If it doesn’t work – it is Physics.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Science/Weather

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

(1918 – 1990) American aerospace engineer
Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems

She had an unequaled gift of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities.

(1843 – 1916) American-born writer
Mistakes People Problems

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Failure Success Wordplay