Subject: Relationships » Dating (Page 3)

I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection… she pulled a switchblade on me.

writer, website creator

I was dating an infectious disease doctor, 'cause… two birds.

(1981 – ) American Comedian

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night; the only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

You know what they say: ‘Once you go black… your parents don’t talk to you anymore.'

(1981 – ) American Comedian

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent; she can't wait to disprove it.

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker

I've dated men my age, younger than me and older and the only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.

(1970 – ) American film & television actress

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Why don't you come up and see me sometime, when I got nothing on but the radio?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'

television writer, actor

My girlfriend and I almost didn't have the second date because on the first date I didn't open the car door for her… I just swam to the surface.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Why don't you come up and have a little… scotch and sofa.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.

comedian

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock; in the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish; in the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black; in the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number… she looked great going down the stairs.

(1964 – ) English comedian

I don’t get what is so cool about dating DJ’s; that’s like dating a valet because he drives a nice car.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic