Subject: Sex (Page 13)

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Beliefs Sex

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

When my wife has sex, she screams… especially when I walk in on her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Sex

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Sex Ugly

They are a either a pain in the backside or too drunk to perform.

Amsterdam prostitutes’ spokeswoman
Sex Sports

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Fights Sex

Impotence: Emission impossible.

Definitions Sex

Trust me, ladies, if you knew even for a second how we men really look at you, you would never stop slapping us.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Men People Sex Women

Hey, for your information, people of our generation think sex is a private thing. And I still think that’s a pretty healthy way of looking at it. Sex is something between you and the person you’re doing it to!

(1940 – 2018) English-American actor & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading; nobody does it so why talk about it?

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
England People Places Sex

Nobody in their right mind would call me a nymphomaniac; I only sleep with good-looking men.

(1954 – ) British poet, novelist, travel writer & journalist
People Relationships Sex

My husband asked me to talk dirty to him during sex; I told him to go f**k himself.


Communication Sex Speech

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People Sex

Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman.


(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Sex

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Sex

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Education Sex

A dirty book is rarely dusty.

Books Communication Reading/Writing Sex

Women are removing sperm from the bodies of their dead husbands; kind of ironic… when they’re alive, most men can’t give it away.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
People Sex Women