Subject: Sex (Page 13)

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me, because she calls me her sixty-second lover.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girlfriends People Sex

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren’t leaving that much on the table in the first place.

American comedian & actor
Sex

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night; the only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Dating Sex Situations

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms;' and he said, 'Just a minute,' and I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'

American comedian & actor
Sex Shopping Situations

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

I went to a massage parlor; it was self service.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Sex

You might be a redneck if… you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Sex Sports

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Sex

The cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director
Government Politics Sex

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

Sex Wordplay

Virginity is a balloon in the carnival of life, that vanishes with the first prick.

Sex

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Sex Wordplay

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent; she can't wait to disprove it.

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
Dating Sex

Before I met my wife, I had virtually no experience; I remember on our wedding night, I tried to inflate her.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Due to a court ruling, sex toys are now legal in Alabama; the whole state is buzzing.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Sex

We all know that every man's fantasy is to have a threesome… yeah, great… instead of one woman I can't satisfy, now I have two.

comedian
Sex

It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Life Men Sex

Before sleeping together today, people should boil themselves.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Sex