Subject: Sex (Page 2)

Baptists never make love standing up; they're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing!

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Beliefs Dance Religion Sex

Remember the old days when all you needed for safe sex was a padded headboard?

American comedian
Sex

I don’t want to have sex; you’re my wife, for God’s sake!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I had to go by the drug store to get some marital aids: breath mints for you and Wild Turkey for me!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Housework Marriage Sex

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

My favorite [sexual] position is called the plumber… you stay in all day, and nobody comes.

(1923 – 2009) British barrister, dramatist, screenwriter & author
Sex

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.

(1892 – 1972) American comedian, dancer & composer
Emotions Sex Wordplay

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
People Sex

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds… the other 19 are shame.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Men People Sex

My mother was like a sister to me… only we didn’t have sex quite so often.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Mothers Sex

Sleeping with George Michael would be like having sex with a groundhog.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Insults Sex

Every animal is sad after (sex) except the human female and the rooster.

(AD 129 – 199) Roman physician & philosopher
Emotions Sex

You treat my daughter with respect – you buy her breakfast if she puts out.

American comedian & writer
Relationships Sex

Have you ever tried to put an oyster in a slot machine?

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian
Age Old Sex

Hannah: Excessive masturbation?

Mickey: You gonna start knockin’ my hobbies?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

If a man can f**k and drive race cars… man… I mean, what else-is there?

American auto racer
Auto racing Sex Sports

Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship.

(1932 – 2000) English author & academic
Education Learning Sex

Familiarity breeds attempt.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships Sex Wordplay

They are a either a pain in the backside or too drunk to perform.

Amsterdam prostitutes’ spokeswoman
Sex Sports