Subject: Sex (Page 4)

You might be a redneck if… you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Sex Sports

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self Sex

Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Sex

Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there’d be an arch over your bed!

(1939 – 2010) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People Sex

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you may come and go at the same time.


Sex Things

I know I must be really good in bed, because women always ask me if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.

Sex

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Men Mistakes People Sex Women

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Self Sex

A man will fantasize that he’s having sex with someone else; a woman will fantasize she’s having sex with anyone else.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Men People Sex Women

After lovemaking do you: A) go to sleep? B) light a cigarette? or C) return to the front of the bus?

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Friends People Sex

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose; last night she used me to time an egg.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Wives

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

(Paul is licking wedding invitation envelopes) Jamie Buchman: How are you holding up?
Paul Buchman: Well, if I had two more tongues, I’d be the happiest person on Earth.
Jamie Buchman: (lights a cigarette) Second happiest.

(1963 – ) American actress, film director & screenwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

A skirt is no obstacle to extemporaneous sex, but it is physically impossible to make love to a girl while she is wearing trousers.

(1907 – 1982) American journalist, editor & author
Appearance Clothing Sex

I don't think I'm good in bed; my husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Body Sex Situations