Subject: Sex (Page 23)

Martina was so far in the closet she was in danger of being a garment bag.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
People Sex

Right now, I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons.

Sex Situations

61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
People Sex

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

It's common courtesy; he's doing most of the work; you've got to encourage him.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

I said to a girl I’d been seeing, “Come home with me, honey, and I’ll show you where it’s at.” She said, “You’d better, because the last time I couldn’t find it.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
People Sex

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex Wives

I once made love to a female clown… she twisted my penis into a poodle.

Dan Whitney (1963 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice artist
Sex Situations

I have this! Are you interested?

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Relationships Sex

I just got back from the Middle East, where I performed for 15,000 men – and then I did my comedy.


Entertainment Places Sex

Sex: The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Problems Sex Time

Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Old Sex

My girlfriend said she wanted me to dominate her; so I said, “OK, let’s play Scrabble.”

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence Sex

I just kissed you, rubbed your chest, kissed you again in an impure manner – you never took your eyes off the TV! Ten years ago all I had to do was be awake… sometimes not even that!

(1958 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

Sex is a two-way treat.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Sex

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

[after sex with the monster] Oh, where you going?… Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you’re out with the boys to boast and brag.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes