Subject: Situations (Page 29)

If I could take just one thing to a desert island… I probably wouldn’t go.

comedian
Situations

Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see it a bit better.

Beliefs God Situations

You might be a redneck if… anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y’all watch this!”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family People Rednecks Situations

When someone close to you dies… move seats.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Death Situations

God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

(1943 – 2010) English actress
Beliefs God Situations

Never argue with a man who buys his ink by the barrel.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Communication Situations

Constant change is here to stay.

Situations

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Situations

There ought to be a better way of starting the day than having to get up.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Life Situations

Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.

(died 1457) English Bishop of Salisbury
People Situations

I want to ride in a cold air balloon; “This isn’t going anywhere!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? … It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Relationships Situations

The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Situations

If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

(1921 – 2006) Polish science fiction author
Situations

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Health Situations

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Situations

I was only saying to the Queen the other day how I hate name-dropping.

(1911 – 2000) American actor
Situations

Isn’t it strange – when you’re single, all you see is couple and when you’re part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Relationships Situations

I was in my car driving back from work, when a police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window; I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone.'

(1976 – ) English comedian
Activities Driving Situations

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

scriptwriter & author
Places Situations