Subject: Situations (Page 3)

It’s a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Situations

When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove Illinois; when I was twelve, I found them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Self Situations

You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don't burn your bridges until you come to them.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

(1906 – 1982) baseball player
Intelligence Situations

He slept more than any other president… Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Situations Sleep

I’m even in denial about the fact that I’m in therapy; I’ve just convinced myself there’s a friend that I see once a week, and then I lend her $90, and she never pays me back.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Health Situations

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Situations

The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays “Helter Skelter.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Music Situations

An old friend will help you move; a good friend will help you move a dead body.


Friends People Situations

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Situations Time Work

Maybe it would have been better if neither of us had been born.

(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Life Situations

I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Situations Things

It's as if a guy drove me into a ditch and said, 'Don't worry, I know how to drive us out of this.'

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Situations

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

I was planning on my future as a homeless person… I had a really good spot picked out.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Situations

If the thermometer had been an inch longer we’d all have frozen to death.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Cold Science/Weather Situations

They say winning isn’t everything, and I’ve decided to take their word for it.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Situations

What does Christmas mean if we can't encourage small children to sit on a stranger's lap?

Irish journalist
Situations

How to locate the slow-moving traffic lane or check-out land: Get in it.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him.

(1982 – ) American author
Appearance Clothing Situations

Things are gradually falling into place on top of me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Problems Situations