Subject: Situations (Page 4)

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
America Communication Situations

Never murder a man who is committing suicide.

Government Murphy’s Laws Politics Situations

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Situations Time

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

(1913 – 1970) football coach
Characteristics Situations

Seven-eighths of everything can’t be seen.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
Situations

When you are down and out something always turns up – and it is usually the noses of your friends.

(1915 – 1985) stage & film actor & director
Friends People Situations Young

I’d sooner be in hell with my back broke.

Expressions Situations

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Children People Situations Women

The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited manuscripts.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
Communication Reading/Writing Situations

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Activities Sex Situations

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Money Situations

The one who least wants to play is the one who will win

Activities Games Murphy’s Laws Situations

I never lost my job while I was leading a race.

American auto racer
Auto racing Situations Sports Work

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Characteristics Intelligence Situations

In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an ax.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Situations

With a black president, I can relax…I can dance in public… I can buy a whole watermelon now.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Characteristics Government President Situations

When I can’t sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Books Insults Reading/Writing Situations

I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Situations Things