Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 16)

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

American professional golfer

Golf is not a game, it’s bondage; it was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.

(1882 – 1956) English author, (Winnie-the-Pooh) poet, writer, & playwright

Golf is not just a good walk ruined, it’s also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor

My clubs are well used, but unfortunately not used well.

Always remember: golf clubs don’t float.

The woods are full of long drivers.

American golf professional & coach

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf.

He has the touch of a gay hairdresser.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

I wouldn't trust him to sit on a toilet the right way.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.

American writer

Too much ambition is a bad thing to have in a bunker.

American professional golfer

That putt had more breaks than a government job.

golf writer

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.

I'd like to see the fairways more narrow; then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me.

Spanish professional golfer

There is an old saying: If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer

Most people play a fair game of golf… if you watch them.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist