Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 17)

If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter

It’s not over yet.

British professional golfer & commentator

When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.

American professional golfer

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf.

When you hear someone shout "You da man" – if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man. 

newspaper sports columnist

You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.

professional golfer

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer

The only thing you should force in a golf swing is the club back in the bag.

American professional golfer

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole-in-one.

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

What’s nice about the Senior Tour, is you can’t remember your bad shots.

professional golfer

John Daly's longer than Greg Norman… he’s even longer than War and Peace.

American sports columnist