Subject: Sports (Page 117)

I could stand up in the seat and not hit my head.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

[I employ] two offenses: the GMA, or "general milling around," and the Daylight Offense, as in "The first guy who sees daylight after he crosses mid-court shoots."

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Sports

The way defenses are operating these days, the other team starts picking you up when you walk out of the hotel lobby.

American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Tee your ball high… the air offers less resistance than dirt.

(1940 – ) professional golfer
Golf Sports

A lot of the people who make these suggestions would have a hard time filling out the application forms to work at 7-Eleven.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Hockey is figure skating in a war zone

Hockey Sports

It would have been worse if we hadn't blocked the kick after Toronto's second touchdown.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Any guy who would pass up a chance to see Sam Snead play golf would pull the shades driving past the Taj Mahal.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Sports

He doesn’t cook well.

American professional tennis player
Sports

We’ve got to find a way to win; I’m willing to start cheating.

professional football player
Misspokements Sports

The coach said the team might be a big factor in the game.

Misspokements Sports

This is not even close to what I envisioned a no-hitter would be.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

[Punter] Bill Bradley kicks them so high and so short you can't run them back; you have to fair catch every one. Us coaches call that the punt of no return.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Football Language Sports

He told me he caddied in the same group with me in the Hot Springs Open. That's why I voted for him, because he was a caddie.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat… I might be failing as a father.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Family Fathers Sports

I don’t know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Misspokements Sports

I told him I wasn’t tired; he told me, ‘No, but the outfielders sure are.’

professional baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

All the records were gone. So I figured here's one record I can get.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

He's hit more balls than Elton John's chin.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports