Subject: Things » Autos (Page 3)

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

Is my car the only one in America where someone breaks in and turns up my radio every time I park?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

Autos Marriage Things

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian
Autos Communication Relationships

Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Life is too short to own a German car.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio… I don’t understand a word they’re saying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

If you buy your first new car in fifteen years, next year they will introduce a new model with twenty seven new features never seen on a car before and the introductory price of the car will be eleven hundred dollars less than you paid for yours.

Autos Things

I've got to tell you, that's a gorgeous four-and-a-half hour drive in from the airport.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places

When my wife drives, there’s always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, “There’s water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In a lake.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Problems Things

Confucius say… when driving near schools, open your eyes and save the pupils.

Autos Confucius say Things

1. If you can get to the faulty part, you won't have the tool to get it off. 2. If you can get the part off, the parts house will have it back ordered. 3. If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first place.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

You think it's possible for them to design an electric car that doesn't look like a gay spaceship?

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Autos Things