Subject: Things » Autos (Page 9)

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Autos Things

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Autos Occupations People Situations Women Work

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer.

Autos Government Murphy’s Laws

I locked my keys in the car the other day…. but it was alright, I was still inside.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

You might be a redneck if… you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Places Rednecks Things

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Autos Things

You do not need to put an Obama sticker on a Prius… we get it.


Autos Beliefs Things

1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws New York City Places

You might be a redneck if… your pickup has a two-tone paint job – primer red and primer gray.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

When my wife drives, there’s always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, “There’s water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In a lake.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Problems Things

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

Life is too short to own a German car.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

I thought “RV” stood for “Recreational Vehicle…” No! It stands for “Ruins Vacations.”

Autos Things

I like handicapped men ’cause a handicapped man get a check and a good parking space.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Autos Money People

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things