Subject: Things » Autos (Page 9)

Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on the accelerator.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Accidents Autos Clothing Death Problems

I came from a real tough neighborhood; on my street, the kids take hubcaps – from moving cars.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

I could stand up in the seat and not hit my head.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Driving Fools Intelligence Things

Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone… when I came back the entire area was missing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

You might be a redneck if… you have a rag for a gas cap.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

A malfunctioning car will stop displaying symptoms of imminent breakdown when driven to within one-quarter mile of a garage.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things Work

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio… I don’t understand a word they’re saying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

If you have to park six blocks away, you will find two new parking spaces right in front of the building entrance.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Life

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Nothing that I know can help you with your car… ever… unless you’re like: “Hey I’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about the “Cosby Show”?’

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Autos Things

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

When I was 15 years old, I got my learner’s permit, which meant that the state of Florida was now obligating me to learn to drive with the two worst drivers in the world: my mom and my dad.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Autos Driving Family Parents Situations

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things