Subject: Things (Page 2)

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

Do you think shaving cream really softens your beard… or is it just so you don't lose your place?

comedian
Things

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.


Activities Things

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Things Women

I was at the plant shop for the fourth time last week asking the guy to please sell me something with a will to live.

(1984 – ) American stand-up comedian
Things

My VCR flashes 01:35, 01:35, 01:35, …

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things

I lost a button hole.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

I have two rare photographs… one is Houdini locking his keys in his car; the other is Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Things TV/Movie Quotes

Boomerang: A working model of poetic justice.

Things

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

If a string has one end, it has another.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Things Work

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

I have a telescope on the peep hole of my door so I can see who is at the door for 200 miles.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things

For a while I didn't have a car, so I drove a helicopter… I didn't have anywhere to park it so I tied a rope to it, and left it running.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things

I like to leave messages before the beep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things

The days of the digital watch are numbered.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Things Time

Expressways aren’t.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I just bought a microwave fireplace… you can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things Time