Subject: Things (Page 20)

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music Things

It’s not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Arms Life Things

Power outage at a department store yesterday, twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

comedian
Situations Things

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things

Whenever you need to stop at a light to put on makeup, every light will be green.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

Pictures deface walls oftener than they decorate them.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator
Things

I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.


Things

That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

I could stand up in the seat and not hit my head.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

Only after locking your toolbox/shed at the end of a DIY job do you find another tool to return to your toolbox/shed.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents Autos Things

The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Boomerang: A working model of poetic justice.

Things

Vacuum Cleaner: A sonic broom.

Definitions Things

We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in 'Red Storm Rising.'

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Arms Books Communication Reading/Writing Things

If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.

(1940 – ) Italian-American auto racer
Autos Situations Sports

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

I lost a button hole.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things