Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 10)

The chief distinction of a diplomat is that he can say no in such a way that it sounds like yes.

(1897 – 1972) Canadian prime minister

This isn’t exactly a stable business; it’s like trying to stand up in a canoe with your pants down.

(1925 – 2011) American actor

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Actuary: Someone who cannot stand the excitement of chartered accountancy.

It’s the gossip columnist’s business to write about what is none of his business.

(1904 – 1980) American critic & author

Growing up, all I wanted was a racecar bed, but by parents refused to get me one.. but now that I’m doing comedy, I get to sleep in a real car.

American comedian

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

It’s just a job; grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand… I beat people up.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

A critic is a bunch of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

(1926 – 2007) American jazz critic & book reviewer

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor

I think that’s what they call professional courtesy.

(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent… unless the job is a statistician.

Comedian

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

The relationionship of an agent to a publisher is that of a knife to a throat.

(1927 – ) American Talent & literary agency executive

Working at the Job center has to be a tense job… knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.


Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Every woman should marry an archaeologist because she grows increasingly attractive to him as she grows increasingly to resemble a ruin.

(1890 – 1976) British crime writer of novels, short stories & plays

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.