Author: Anonymous Page 104

“That’s not how you draw a circle,” he criticized her roundly.

Tom Swifties

It doesn't take rocket appliances.

Intelligence Malaprops

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

The menu was frozen in the amber of 1973.

Mixed metaphors

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

A veritable land mine of valuable information.

Malaprops

Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices.

Definitions

“Watch this insect sail through the air,” said Tom flippantly.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold… flashers were just describing themselves.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

It will have a special time on our plate.

Misspokements

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

Autos Marriage Things

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Canada is like your attic, you forget that it's up there, but when you go, it's like "Oh man, look at all this great stuff!"

Canada Places

New systems generate new problems.

Murphy’s Laws

“I didn’t look at all!” Tom peeped.

Tom Swifties

Arabs wear turbines on their heads.

Clothing Malaprops

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Definitions

“I’ll get you out of prison in no time,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

“We’re off to Scotland,” said Tom clandestinely.

Tom Swifties