Author: Anonymous Page 118

It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell.

Expressions Heat Science/Weather

Just give me a shave… I haven’t time to listen to a haircut.

Communication Speech Time

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Time

Having one wife is called monotony.

Malaprops Marriage

“This Bud’s for you,” said Tom lightly.

Tom Swifties

“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.

Tom Swifties

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

That man is a real charmer, a regular Don Coyote.

Malaprops People

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops

They’re clearly up the creek without a leg to stand on

Mixed metaphors

Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

“I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I’ve only ten left,” said Tom with fortitude.

Tom Swifties

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

Cooking Definitions

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Even in a sewer, the cream rises to the top.

Mixed metaphors

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

“Let’s spice it up,” said Tom gingerly.

Tom Swifties

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Intelligence Memory

“I have to fix the car,” said Tom mechanically.

Tom Swifties

“My compliments to the company that makes the Macintosh computer”, said Tom applaudingly.

Tom Swifties