Author: Anonymous Page 118

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

I'd walk a mile in a camel's shoes to pass through the eye of a needle.

Mixed metaphors

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

I hate to put you through all this rigor mortis.

Mixed metaphors

You're pulling my leg over my eyes.

Mixed metaphors

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

Science/Weather

Home: The place where you can scratch any place you itch.

Definitions Places

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

If there is a substitute for brains it has to be silence.

Intelligence

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

It's a long road to hoe

Malaprops

“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

Tom Swifties

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Apology: Politeness too late.

Definitions

“I wish I had something to write with,” Tom said pensively.

Tom Swifties

Easy Payments: The ones that are easier said than done.

Definitions

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees.

Miscellaneous