Author: Anonymous Page 120

No two people in a car can agree on which window should be open… and how much.

Autos Things

Budget: An orderly system of living beyond your means.

Definitions

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

Intelligence

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Situations

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.

Tom Swifties

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Definitions Education School

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Good punctuation means not to be late.

Malaprops Time

If you try to eat this elephant all in one bite, you’re going to have a hell of an indigestion.

Mixed metaphors

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Definitions Problems

“What’s a wide-angle lens?” asked Tom obtusely.

Tom Swifties

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

It was so cold… politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Homer also wrote the Oddity.

Books Malaprops Reading/Writing

A duck on a hot tin roof.

Mixed metaphors