Author: Anonymous Page 120

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Marriage

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

He’s about as awkward as a cow on crutches.

Expressions

It’s better to have half a cake and eat it and enjoy it, than not to have any cake at all.

Mixed metaphors

That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus.

Malaprops People

“My friend and I steal things together,” Tom corroborated.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve got another @#$%*! insect in my pants”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties

Some people hear voices; some see invisible people; others have no imagination whatsoever.

Intelligence Mind Situations

We seem to have unleased a hornet's nest.

Malaprops Situations

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Murphy’s Laws

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

Expressions

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Kicking off the hockey season

Mixed metaphors