Author: Anonymous Page 126

He looks like the hindquarters of bad luck.

Appearance Expressions

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

Tom Swifties

“Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.

Tom Swifties

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

If you try to eat this elephant all in one bite, you’re going to have a hell of an indigestion.

Mixed metaphors

You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!

Mixed metaphors

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

He is so fat… he has group insurance.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.

Tom Swifties

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Communist: One who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.

Definitions

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Definitions

“I suppose I’ll have to write my name again,” said Tom resignedly.

Tom Swifties

Don't look a gift horse in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve struck oil!” said Tom crudely.

Tom Swifties

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

I rented The Cool Surface last week; words can't describe how awful it is. I'm a big Teri Hatcher fan, but a rental… is $2.75 thrown down the drain. Save your money by reading the attached plot synopsis: 
[WARNING: spoiler follows] Teri Hatcher has breasts. They look OK.

Reviews/Criticism

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.

Insults Intelligence