Author: Anonymous Page 126

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Tougher than a boiled owl.

Expressions

Liberal: A man with his mind open at both ends.

Beliefs Definitions People

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

handle him with kids’ gloves

Malaprops

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Situations Time

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

“Would you stop horsing around!” yelled Tom woefully.

Tom Swifties

If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful.

Malaprops

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Money Time

It's gonna snowball through the whole fireworks.

Mixed metaphors

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Science/Weather Situations

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Activities Games

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.

Malaprops Places

New systems generate new problems.

Murphy’s Laws

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old