Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 127
Busier than a moth in a mitten!
Anonymous
Expressions
Situations
Busy
Father: An ATM provided by nature.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Fathers
“I’ve dug myself into a hole,” Tom said gravely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Anonymous
Family
Relationships
Science/Weather
Genetics
Heredity
Flatterer: one who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Communication
People
Speech
Flatterer
“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Button your seat belts.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“Hey, what’s it worth if I help you escape from prison?” asked Tom contemptuously.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.
Anonymous
Definitions
Budget
Ecstasy: Happiness with its clothes off.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Happiness
Sex
Ecstasy
Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
God
Agnostic
Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.
Anonymous
Definitions
Gardens
Grass
“Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?” asked Tom charmingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
We all act as one heartbeat.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Wordplay
Plagiarism
Geologist: Fault finder.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Geologist
You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.
Anonymous
Things
Duct tape
Tools
WE-40
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