Author: Anonymous Page 127

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Expressions Situations

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Definitions Family Fathers

“I’ve dug myself into a hole,” Tom said gravely.

Tom Swifties

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

Flatterer: one who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Characteristics Communication People Speech

“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.

Tom Swifties

“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.

Tom Swifties

Button your seat belts.

Mixed metaphors

“Hey, what’s it worth if I help you escape from prison?” asked Tom contemptuously.

Tom Swifties

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Ecstasy: Happiness with its clothes off.

Definitions Emotions Happiness Sex

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

“Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?” asked Tom charmingly.

Tom Swifties

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.

Mixed metaphors

We all act as one heartbeat.

Mixed metaphors

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

Communication Language Wordplay

Geologist: Fault finder.

Definitions Wordplay

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things