Author: Anonymous Page 128

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Definitions Wordplay

“I’ve struck oil!” said Tom crudely.

Tom Swifties

“Rasputin and I are lovers,” said Nicholas bizarrely.

Tom Swifties

“Don’t give me the gears!” said Tom automatically.

Tom Swifties

Keep your ear to the grapevine.

Mixed metaphors

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

“Don’t let me drown in Egypt!” pleaded Tom, deep in denial.

Tom Swifties

Chicken guarding the hen house

Mixed metaphors

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Definitions Sex

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

 “Your Honor, you’re crazy!” said Tom judgmentally.

Tom Swifties

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Chivalry: The attitude of a man toward somebody else’s wife.

Definitions

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions