Author: Anonymous Page 128

Banging on their chests with a primeval scream.

Malaprops

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

Mixed metaphors

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

“Now, how can I trick Sidney?” Tom considered.

Tom Swifties

You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

“I really don’t like tending the garden,” he said witheringly.

Tom Swifties

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Characteristics

Don't put all your chickens in one basket.

Mixed metaphors

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

An apple a day doesn’t from the tree.

Mixed metaphors

He’s still green behind the ears.

Mixed metaphors