Author: Anonymous Page 137

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

It was deader than a hangnail.

Malaprops

Never let a child wearing Superman pajamas sleep on the top bunk.

Children Family

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Death

I have a lot of black sheep in my closet.

Mixed metaphors

Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Definitions

Fiddling with his guitar

Mixed metaphors

“Those bullets can’t hurt me,” said Tom blankly.

Tom Swifties

Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem.

Definitions

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Once the horse is out of the barn, you can't put him back again.

Mixed metaphors

Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.

Murphy’s Laws Success Things

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Definitions

“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties

We should continue to ride the horse that brings in the gravy.

Mixed metaphors

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

Life

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties