Author: Anonymous Page 137

If you are going to get the grief, you might as well get the gravy.

Expressions

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.

Emotions Laughter

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.

Communication Definitions Marriage

If there’s ever a price on your head – take it.

Insults

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Characteristics Situations

That’ll separate the girls from the sheep.

Mixed metaphors

Married at the hip

Mixed metaphors

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Now that the ball is in our court, let's go for the touchdown.

Mixed metaphors

This snowball is coming down the mountain with a full head of steam.

Mixed metaphors

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

He is so old… he owes Jesus a quarter.

Age Exaggerations Old

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.

Tom Swifties